I fucking hate that I can't go back before this relapse. Before my mind collapses yet again. I'm on the edge of a cliff wondering ‘What if i decide to die’ No goodbye. I'm at the end of my life. I can't help but feel like i am always wrong. Dead inside… I can't go on. Not this time. I can't go on. I've watched it all bury me…Can't see the good in anything, always in disbelief. Pain is such great relief I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I am forever numb trying my best, but i just can't seem to forget and overcome. All i have is the pessimist in me. Am I just too far gone? In my eyes, this world is obscene, cold, dark and forever fucked. I just wish that i could close my eyes without picturing my own demise. I hope one day there comes a time where i can say I'm glad I'm alive, I just wish that day would come now… Sustain me from my thoughts somehow. Can we please just speed up time? I am patient but slowly losing my mind. They say it gets better but, do they know for real? Because it's been years… Can't change how i feel. Am i just too impatient? More than i have thought… I feel like i have waited for far too long. I try to see positivity in this harsh reality. I try to be the best i can be but the world is draining me. I lie awake in bed at night in hope for another life.
credits
from Desolation,
released January 10, 2020
Music: Aaron Cuenca
Lyrics: Michael Salazar
Larry Wang 'singing', glorious slams and atmospherics ripped straight out of Aliens result in a should-not-be-missed slab of inhuman fury. poisonremedy
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